Five Facts About Obesity In America

Doctor Richard Flam

No medical topic has received as much attention in recent years as obesity. There are a number of myths and half truths about weight that are accepted as fact, so I, a medical doctor, thought I would take a moment to set the record straight.

Actually, I was prompted to write this when a patient became upset with me for telling her she was overweight. She said that she had battled long and hard to accept her body the way it was and that she was at peace with herself. I tried to argue with her, pointing out the health benefits to a lower weight, but she seemed to think she knew it all.

Fact 1: Fat people are stupid. The truth is that fat people are less intelligent than people who maintain their weight at a reasonable level. I can look at a person's waistline and instantly know their intelligence. Fat cells are nature's IQ test. In fact, losing weight doesn't make you smarter. Just look at Richard Simmons. He was once fat and lost a lot of weight, but he remains a scatter-brained moron.

Fact 2: Fat smells. And it doesn't smell good.

Fact 3: There are people that find fat attractive, therefore it is natural. There are people that find goats attractive. Just because a bizarre fetish exists, doesn't normalize a behavior or a body type.

Fact 4: Losing weight is easy. It is. Are you ready for the only diet you'll ever need? Here goes. Eat less, exercise more. That's four words, even a corpulent half-wit can follow that diet.

Fact 5: If you get fat enough you will make the news when you die. This is a benefit to fat. If you are especially large, your body will have to be dragged from your house in an embarrassing way and then buried in a container larger than a coffin. Everyone loves reading stories about people who have to have a wall torn down in their house so they can be removed with a crane when they die. The biggest folks will make it to documentaries on the Discovery channel. Just think, you could become legendary, embarrassing your family until they die.

I'm sure a few of you are upset that I have put these medical facts down in such a concise way without cutting corners. And, like the woman I mentioned above, I'm sure a few of you feel like shouting at me and calling me an insensitive jerk. However, you should be thanking me. Those of us in the medical profession make most of our money from fat people. So, my helping you to lose weight is actually taking money out of my own pocket.

Doctor Richard Flam has a private practice in the Seattle area.


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Copyright 2006 David Wahl and Richard Flam

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